Erised
by erbkaiser
Summary: AU, Harry is alone during his first Christmas at Hogwarts when he comes across the Mirror of Erised. / Dark Themes. / Written for the QLFC Round 11.


**Erised**

It is late at night when he leaves his warm bed for the first time. Surreptitiously exploring the ancient castle beneath his new invisibility cloak, Harry acts – and feels – more like one of the many ghosts that inhabit the ancient structure than the student he actually is. This Christmas Holiday, the castle is nearly empty. Most students have returned home to their families – even Ron left, the Weasleys somehow having found the money to pay for everyone to go visit Ron's brother Charlie – and many of the teachers are also absent. So Harry doesn't expect to find anyone as he opens door after door that lines the long, twisty corridor.

The first time he runs across someone is when he spots Peeves, the resident poltergeist, sabotaging all the chairs in a classroom Harry has never seen before. The entity cackles to itself as it makes sure all the chairs will collapse as soon as someone sits down, wringing its hands in pleasure. Harry is not in the mood to be pranked, or worse, so he quietly moves past the door and hopes Peeves doesn't spot him.

A few doors later he finds a room that is completely empty, except for a tall, dark structure in the middle. It is larger than Harry himself and is covered from top to bottom by a thick dark cloth. Intrigued, he enters the room and pulls away the cloth, revealing a mirror.

Harry scoffs. Just a mirror, is that all? He moves in front of it and inspects it for any signs it might be magical.

The pale moonlight shines through a window and illuminates the room a little as Harry sees nothing interesting but the reflection of the room behind him and a strange inscription on the mirror's frame.

" _Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi_ ," Harry voices out loud. The words are meaningless to him and he wonders if it's more Latin, a spell perhaps. If the words are a spell, the mirror does not react to it. Harry is about to leave when he trips over the invisibility cloak, revealing himself to the mirror glass. As he bends down to pick the cloak back up he catches his reflection and gasps as it shows not just himself but two more people standing beside him.

"Who's there? Show yourself!" Harry demands, looking frantically from left to right, but seeing no-one. He realises he is alone after all and looks back at the mirror. The same two people are standing there, smiling, a little sadly. Harry breathes in sharply as he realises he has seen them before in a photograph… they are…

"Mum? Dad?" he says softly, his voice wavering. The mirror images of his parents smile and place their hands on him in the reflection. Harry can't feel this, but he doesn't really care. His mother, Lily, looks kind and beautiful, her long red hair and deep green eyes set in a round face. His father, James, really does look like an older version of Harry as everyone keeps telling him: the same nose, the same chin, the same wild hair. If it weren't for the fact Harry has Lily's eyes, they could be the same person.  
As he watches, entranced, more reflections of people appear, standing vaguely behind both his parents. On Lily's side he sees people that look a little like Lily and a bit like his aunt Petunia… a middle-aged man who stands a bit off to the side could be an older version of Dudley, if only Dudley were not overweight and could smile. Harry wonders if these are the Evans.  
On his father's side, the people are unmistakably Potters. The same wild hair appears in all the men. The women all look… smart, Harry supposes. It is the same look he sees on some of the Ravenclaw students he has encountered so far, and of course it is one his friend Hermione carries often.  
As he thinks of his female friend the mirror image distorts a little and he sees himself as an adult man, his parents and other family still standing behind him but vaguely distant, as this time a young woman around the same age is standing next to him. He can't really see her face as she is looking down at a young child she is carrying in her arms… a child that, once again, has the Potter hair. Before he can see her more clearly the mirror ripples again and the adult Harry is replaced by a younger one, the woman and child gone.  
"Is that… my future?" he asks. His parents seem to nod.  
He sits there in front of the mirror for hours, until he falls asleep.

When Harry wakes up he is still in the mirror room. His stomach rumbles a little, but he ignores it as the mirror shows him lying in a bed in a beautifully decorated room – obviously a boy's, but nothing like Dudley's. Still in the reflection, a door on the other end of the room opens and his mother enters, smiling at him as he wakes up fully.  
'I love you,' she appears to say, although no sound is heard, as she plants a kiss on his cheek. Harry imagines this is what his life would've been like had his parents not died and while he can't actually feel her lips on his skin, he imagines he can. Content to ignore the slight hunger he sits in front of the mirror, watching.

–-

Nobody notices Harry not showing up for breakfast that morning. The castle is nearly empty after all, and there are no set breakfast times as there are during the school year. Professor McGonagall, an early riser, assumes Harry is sleeping in as she eats her breakfast nearly alone in the Great Hall, only a Ravenclaw seventh-year keeping her company. An hour later Professor Dumbledore assumes Harry has already eaten and left as he shares a joke with Hagrid and a few Hufflepuff students over his own meal.

–-

Harry's arms and legs hurt a little from sitting still for a full day, and his stomach is protesting its hunger but he ignores all that, sitting on the floor with his legs folded under him as he watches his family. Despite what people like Professor Snape would claim, Harry is not stupid. He knows his parents are dead and that if the other people are his maternal and paternal ancestors, they must all be dead, too. It is obvious some of them lived a long time ago… one of the Evans ancestors is dressed like a Great War veteran, one of the Potters, a little man with funny knees, wears an outfit that looks like it belongs in a Shakespeare play. But even though he knows they are dead, they're still the first time he's seen his family… the first time he feels he belongs. A little hunger and thirst, or a sore back, are a small price to pay.

–-

Professor McGonagall looks up from her copy of ' _Transfiguration_ _Monthly_ ' as the last student leaves the Great Hall after dinner. She frowns as she realises she hasn't seen Harry come in at all.  
"Albus, I think Harry skipped dinner," she reminds her old friend, who is nursing a goblet of pumpkin juice.  
"Boys will be boys, Minerva. No doubt he is off exploring… why, when I was his age, I often made myself a few extra sandwiches at lunch and took them with me as I went off in the wild! Did I ever tell you of the time I came across a Centaur, who..."  
Professor McGonagall forgets about Harry as she listens to the story. Sure, she probably heard it before in the decades they've been friends, but Dumbledore is a gifted story-teller when he wants to be and she enjoys just being in his company.

–-

Harry is cold, thirsty, and hungry when he wakes up again. For a moment he considers leaving to find something to eat and drink, but then he sees his parents and decides not to. He could stay lost in this moment, forever. Throughout the long day the hunger and thirst seem to go away as he learns to ignore it. As he watches the mirror he imagines more and more what his life would've been like, or still could still be. Would he have had brothers and sisters? (When he has that thought, vaguely blurred smaller versions of himself, or little girls with either fiery red or wild, black hair show up next to him.)  
Would he have had more friends? (Even more blurred boys and girls show up, although some of them are recognisable. Neville Longbottom is there, as is Ron Weasley, and, strangely enough, some Slytherins like Daphne Greengrass and Theodore Nott.)  
What confuses him the most is if he thinks of Hermione. Half the time her reflection is her own bossy self, the other half she does not appear and instead Harry sees himself as a young man… embracing a young woman with untameable brown hair and holding a young child. (These images confuse him. He has no romantic feelings for anyone yet, so why would the mirror show him?)  
Confusion aside, he is happy. Happy to feel he belongs, happy to have family.

–-

The others in the castle don't see Harry around at all the next day. Professor McGonagall worries a little, but she speaks with Argus Filch, who tells her no-one has left the castle, and she goes up to the Gryffindor dorm where she sees his trunk still sitting besides his bed. She decides to pin a note on his pillow: 'Harry, come see me in my office.'  
Satisfied she has taken care of things. she enjoys the rest of her time off.

Professor Dumbledore isn't worried at all. Hogwarts is safe, therefore Harry is safe.

–-

Harry feels weak and finds it harder and harder to focus on the mirror. He is more cold and tired than he feels hungry or thirsty, but he does not wish to leave. This is his family; how could it be dangerous? As his vision dims he still sees James, Lily, and all the others smile at him and he imagines he can feel their embrace as he collapses on the floor.

–-

"Where's Harry?" Dean asks, unpacking his bags and hanging up a new football poster.  
"Dunno. Pro'ly having fun somewhere," Ron says with a shrug. Classes begin again the next day so they have little time to enjoy in the castle before everything is back to a fixed regime, and he does not want to waste his time worrying.

"Professor, have you seen Harry?" Hermione asks Professor Flitwick as she sees him enter the library. She wasn't able to find anything about Flamel during her holiday and wonders if Harry did – Ron, of course, forgot all about it.  
"Not yet, Miss Granger. I only arrived back myself today," the minute teacher answers. "Have you missed your boyfriend over Christmas?"  
Hermione blushes from head to toe and begins to stammer; Harry is yes, a boy, and yes, a friend, but not a boyfriend and – Professor Flitwick chuckles.

Professor McGonagall is annoyed. Dinner has started and Harry hasn't showed up to her office yet. A little exploring and fun is fine but ignoring your Head of House?  
"Ten points from Gryffindor," she mumbles. Harry will get a stern talking to the next day, she decides.

"I wonder where Harry is," Neville says as the boys retire for bed.  
"He'll show up," Ron states, then yawns.

–-

Panic sets in with the teachers as they realise the first day of the term is over and Harry has skipped all his classes. Professor Dumbledore interrogates the paintings to find out if anyone has seen Harry leave the castle, Professors Flitwick and Sinistra are organising search parties, supported by the Prefects, and Professor McGonagall is speaking with the ghosts.

A pale-faced Argus Filch eventually comes across the boy. Harry is lying dead in front of the mirror, wasted away.  
He looks happy.

–-

 _"Men have wasted away before it, not knowing if what they have seen is real, or even possible."  
_ – _Albus Dumbledore_

* * *

A/N: Written for the QLFC Round 11 – Top of the Pops. We had to choose one lyric or line from a song to base the song around, in my case Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing". The lyric chosen is 'I could stay lost in this moment forever'.

Thanks to firefly81 for beta-ing!


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